Why do we have enemies?

I was wondering why some countries have many enemies and some don't. Why do some people have many enemies and others don't? Why do wars or other harmful conflicts erupt with some more often that with others?

In every conflict there are antagonists. They fight with each other in some way, each trying to harm the other more than the harm inflicted upon themselves. The one left standing (surviving or least harmed) when it's over is the winner. By definition the other loses. But why did those two (or more) choose the conflict and not some other pair or group? What do they have in common?

The most obvious trait is that they generally don't like each other. Wars have been started over territory (land and sea), over resources, over ethnic differences, over religion, etc. Yet people with disputes don't always end up in warfare or even as enemies. Some people with differences are able to resolve those differences and come to solutions that are beneficial to both. In business we call it "win-win". Everyone gets what they want.

Win-win strategies only work however if both parties are open to it. If one person doesn't want to play by those simple rules then it won't work. The other often walks away from the deal realizing that they won't be treated fairly by the other party. They don't want to abuse themselves so they won't expose themselves to it from others.

In conflicts this doesn't happen. One or both parties want something and the other is unwilling to allow it. Canada has few enemies - not because we are a weak country, although compared with our neighbor the USA, we are. We simply allow others what they want within reason. Where we have enemies, for example, the Taliban in Afghanistan, it's because we've been unwilling to allow them what they want. The Taliban has enemies because it can't allow others their practices. They have little to no tolerance for anything but their own extreme interpretation of Islam. And they have many enemies because many of us don't follow their ideas. Canada and the Taliban are enemies because of mutual non-allowance.

The USA has more of this happening. They won't allow Iraq to choose it's own destiny - the US wants to impose democracy and some in Iraq don't want it. Furthermore, the US is doing it by occupying their territory. In the 1700's when Britain occupied much of North America and Americans wanted a different form of government they did what Iraqi's are doing today - revolted and fought back. The revolutionaries won and now their decendants are imposing their will on others - exactly what their forefathers fought against. Yes, there is a stack of justification, some not so valid (after all President Bush did fabricate some of it), but does that make it right? Many are losing their freedom and even their lives because the US would like to impose its will. And some of us are following the lead, no doubt out of fear of some sort of reprisal from the US. They have indeed demonstrated their ability and willingness to impose their will for their own selfish desires - why not take over Canada. The fact that they'd end up with 10 more Democratic states having some 10 or 12% of the total vote might be holding the Republicans back - another fear.

At the root of every conflict is fear. The real enemy is our own fear about what might or might not happen in the future if we don't get our way. So we try to control it and thus eliminate options. Interference in what others are doing is what causes conflicts. Sometimes it seems morally justified and sometimes it's not. Regardless, it arises out of fear and our desire to control the outcome. Our apparent enemies are those we fear - those we act against, to harm or destroy or control. Our real enemy is the fear of the unknown that we have inside if we don't exercise that control.

Look at what can happen if you control too much. We use anti-biotics to "control" some illnesses. By using them however we have developed resistance to their effect. New, more resistant strains of those illnesses have arisen as a result. We've made the enemy stronger. Had we left it alone some would succumb, but more of us would simply develop our own ability to resist without help from artificial substances. Those substances can cause other problems in completely unrelated areas. Why abuse ourselves this way?

The simple answer is that we want to be abused. We certainly choose it as a society. And society is us. Stop the abuse. Don't just tolerate, allow. By allowing all, we allow both the "good" and the "bad". We benefit too. Perhaps by our example we'll see that those who would do harm may see the benefit of doing no harm and simply allowing as well. Notice how people around you will change when you change. You do create your own environment. That which you are is that which I am, and that which I am is that which you are.